North of the Border

 

At 6:00 AM on Friday morning, I received a text message from a friend who works at the Jodrell Bank Observatory. Two words: "Call Me."  If I had known what it was about I wouldn't have waited until after nine before rolling out of bed.  I would not have made coffee or calmly poured breakfast cerial into my bowl. I would not have done my Canadian Airforce workout routine or spent fifteen minutes washing myself in the shower. No. Had I known what it was about I would have jumped into my car in my pyjamas and gone down straight down there.
 

At 7:00 PM the previous evening, Jodrell Bank recieved detailed instructions on how to tune into a signal from a North Korean military satellite. A hand-scribbled set of co-ordinates, frequencies and authentification codes was sent down a telephone line to a fax machine from unknown office in Pyongyang.
"At 7.30 PM we thought it was a hoax," said Post Graduate student Khudhair Al-Muntafki "I mean no one has had anything like this since the late 1950's, We simply had no idea what had been sent to us. Was this an attempt to defect? Were we being given the location of a Nuclear Silo? One of the senior scientist postulated that we may be being shown the sight of some kind of horrific atrocity. There was a lot of talk about whether or not we should contact the military. Ten and a half hours later, when the image finally resolved, I knew exactly what were looking at, that's when I called you."

It is lucky that Khudar is a amateur Spot-Parker. It's lucky that he knows people like me that are able to take this image and disseminate it into the wider world. It's so lucky in fact that there has been some discussion as to whether or not the North Koreans were aware of both his presence at Jodrell Bank and his connections to the Spot-Parking world.

Very little is known about North Korea and it is hard to know what if any Western media is able to pass through the iron curtain. It could be that Gapping is even more popular and culturally significant there, than it is here in the West.

It has been suggested that the very act of taking part in a non-government sanctioned sport could be seen as a form of rebellion, especially something as individual and expressive as competitive parking. Parking can never be a team sport, it can only be done alone and as such, it breeds the kind of flamboyant superstars that are so abhorrent to the Junkte brand of self sufficient communism created by Kim Il-Sung.

It is also true that Spot-Parking is a sport that is completely invisible to the untrained eye and is therefore very difficult for even the most tyrannical of governments to clamp down on.

Khudarhas told me that while most of the scientists believe the whole exercise to be a wild goose chase, designed perhaps to see how easily a team of scientists can be distracted from their work, he will keep the set of instructions, close to hand.
"We've got this image." he said "The next one that comes could be extremely important, he might even get that forth wheel on the curb."

That would be something.

This grainy photograph is all there is to represent North Korea's oppressed Spot-Parking Scene

 

No Country for Old Men

The Big Duck Goes Large in the UK!

It takes someone special to plant a Mitsubishi Shogun (with tow bar and spare) this snug

Baby got Back

Parking today is polarised! While most of us find ourselves somewhere in the middle, over the last few years two extremes have begun to develop that may eventually render the sport in two. On the one hand we have the lycra wearing, tape measure carrying Smarters who are out to fit the smallest cars into the smallest possible holes. On the other are the baggy trouser wearing Bowsers, who cruise the streets in large SUV's looking for opportunities to impress with their seemingly impossible and geomitry defying park jobs.

Perhaps the pioneer of the big car style was ex-US Marine Corp. Staff Sargent  Brian 'The Big Duck' Duncan. Brian was honourably discharged in 1991, having lost the tip of his penis during operation Desert Storm. I spoke to him about why he decided to go against the grain and go for bigger less manoeuvrable vehicles instead of nippy little hatchbacks like everyone else...

'For me it's all about changing lives. It's one thing for a Jody commuter to fail to put his ford focus  into the same gap three times over, only to circle the block and find a Toyota IQ has taken his place. It's another thing entirely to find a Land Cruzer there taking up every available inch. That's the kind of thing that shakes a man up, you know, bust's him out of his daily routine; maybe makes him re-evaluate his life and take a few risks for a change.'

Baby got Front too..

Perpendiculous!

'It's also about the sense of achievement' He says. 'My Shogun might not look like the perfect tool for the job, but I know it so well now, I know it's every dimension, I'm pretty sure I could dock almost anywhere even with eyes closed.'

Brian is in the UK filming an advert for Mitzubishi, So it's no wonder he is singing it's praises.  As he's an old friend he was kind enough to take up the challenge of an early morning circuit of one of our favourite routes: A rush-hour tour of the Clifton area in Bristol. With a the kind of luck that the Big Duck is famous for he spotted this hole inside of half an hour and in front of three utterly bemused onlookers pulled off a close to perfect park.

Apart from the advert... those lucky few that seek him out will find Brian doing a selection of car show demo's around the country. He will be at the Birmingham NEC on the 15th for the PistonHeads Performance Car Show 2011 and also in the O2 Arena on the 28th for the International Autoshow. We at 100% Awesome would strongly advise that novice and expert alike go and take a look at this remarkable man in action, for anyone that does is sure to learn something new about the sport they love.

Moving up the Pecking Order!

Slope Motion Replay

Darren Caulwell provides the perfect answer to his critics with this super tight sloper on one of the seven hills of Bath

Those who are familiar with 100% Awesome will be well aware of Darren Caulwell, some call him the David Beckham of the street parking universe, others say that can't be true because he's not married to an emaciated Prada-wrapped baby-maker in shades. He's not actually married at all, although he is on the look out so watch this space. 

The Park Heard Round the World

The now infamous 'Park Heard round the World' made Darren the poster-boy for a new generation of gap hungry enthusiasts. Not all the publicity he received was positive however, Darren was accused of faking the shot in a number of ways, some suggested that he had used a crane, others that the rover had been modified to allow for 180 degree rear lock, some that he simply brought in his flankers after the fact or even that the picture itself was a photo-shop forgery. The negative press took it's toll however with Darren performing well below his best in competition, and rumours surfacing about the self destructive nature of his night-life. Among other things Darren gained the unwelcome nickname of 'The Drunken Master' a name he felt he had to live up to.

 The Drunken Master works his unfocused magic on the streets of Bristol 

'I hit rock bottom,' says Darren 'There were times when I didn't know who or where I was, I remember getting really sick one night and sleeping in the back of the rover. I woke up and I had soiled myself all over the back seat. I just looked at myself in the rear view mirror and burst into tears. There were no excuses left at that point.  I decided I needed to do something about it. Since then I've been clean as a whistle.'

One legitimate criticism that has been levelled at the PHRTW is that it's clearly been done on a very wide, flat road. When I met him last year we discussed the possibility of his wowing us with a similar gap but placed in a more extreme environment. Since he has been out of rehab he has been on the prowl, crawling the kerbs of Bath in search of the perfect hillside hole. With the shot above he thinks he may be getting close.

'Don't get me wrong' Says Darren 'This is a great gap, It's just not Darren Caulwell great. What excites me is that I have found somewhere promising to look. The picture doesn't do the slope justice really, it's close to Hedgemead Park, a park that only exists because the hill is too steep to build on without causing landslides. Add that to Georgian roads meant for horse and foot traffic and the additional space pressure of a new residents-only parking zone close by and you have the prefect playground for someone like me. It really is only a matter of time before I find that holey grail. I just hope it happens before my clutch wears out.'

If Darren really can conquer his demons then he has the potential to be one of the greatest gappers ever to grace the sport. Only time will tell if he has the fortitude to live by the courage of his convictions.

As the late great Gerry Fawn used to say, 'The road of life isn't always flat and wide, sometimes it's a 1 in 3 hill with barely an inch between wing-mirrors. Success isn't about the days when you slip in easy, it's about getting up and getting out of bed on all the days when you don't, all in hope that that holy grail is just a few more streets away.'

Baltimore Drive

Clydell Brock's now infamous 'Double Touch' finish

The mean streets of Baltimore are probably not first place in the world you would look for parking expertise. In the state of Maryland, parking anywhere without a clear foot and a half of clearance at either end is illegal. But here in this most maligned of America's troubled inner cities the people have found a new way to find release from the chaotic brutality of their daily lives.

Former car thief and small-time drug dealer, Clydell, has been shot three times, (although one of those was a hunting accident) and has a rap sheet as long as his wheel base and tow bar combined. In our short acquaintance together he was happy to tell me that he too had shot at people. I was unsure as to whether on not this was simply bravado. In the culture of the ghetto, to have never pulled a gun in anger marks you out as weak and even though Clydell is mostly free the dark web of the concrete killing fields, it's unforgiving tendrils still pull at the core of him. He hopes to help others still trapped in the spiral of poverty and violence so so nearly saw him, and his obvious parking talent, become just another figure in an increasingly troubling set of statistics. In order to do this, like the bodhisattva of the Buddhist tradition, he must keep his connection to the street alive. I look at him across the Formica table of a greasy spoon, the smell of coffee and eggs in the air. In front of the back-lit wall mounted menu, he looks ridiculously solid, like a man carved of wood, eminently respectable in any circle of society.

"It's a f**ked up situation in the city... we try'na change that the best way we know how... " 

Clydell Brock takes troubled teens from the City's parole system and introduces them  to the semi-legal but stabilising world of competitive parking. In his languid Baltimore drone, he waxes lyrical about "a world away from the world, "This roll bar and glass... this is a metal cage, not designed to keep you, the menace, away from the street but to keep the street and all it's corruptive power, away from you.

On the weekdays, that's about the only time when we head out separate... but on a Sunday we ride together, we everywhere together, we making gaps, building spaces on spaces man, four cars in for three. rolling tight. like a unit."

Brock has been accused of inspiring street gangs not involved with his organisation into stealing cars and then dumping them in impossibly tight spots. So tight that the police cannot get them out again without using cranes. It is often cheaper and faster to hire the same group of kids responsible for the theft to get the cars back into the open, and as such has become a lucrative source of ghetto income.  Brock laughs when I put this to him.

"We ain't out here to hurt nobody... I mean we understand we breaking the law but. you know.. even the police break the law. And anyway man, parking cars be a hell of lot better than slinging rock right?"

With his infectious smile just a few feet away, I admit that I am forced to agree.

The famous Double Touch shot at the top of this article is probably the first time an image of tight parking has graced the sleeve of a hip hop album, or been featured on MTV. Brock tells me the story behind it.

"It ain't just the parking,  fact is that it's out front a crack house. Add to that that two days earlier the police came by and put up that sign telling us to respect the gap limit, but didn't do nothing about house they put it next to. They wanna clamp down on us because we easy, We ain't out there packing guns and dropping bodies, it's crazy. That shot there ain't about recreation, it's a political statement, that's why it got the reach that it got."

Brock's world of police crackdowns is a million miles away from official competitions and gentlemanly camaraderie of the UK scene but there is hope that we can bring the two together.  Before I leave I hand him four tickets to next years World Championships, I tell him that 100% awesome wants him and three of his best to be there.

Watch this space people, beacuse as Clydell Brock would put it, 

'The whole damn games about to change.' 

Family Values

Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the gaps of London

Parking Isn't meant to be exclusive, it's not a sport for young men, or old men, or even middle aged men. It's not for the rich, it's not for the poor. Its not for the good or the bad, it's a sport for everyone. Even those that find themselves temporarily lost in the foothills of redemption. 

What you are seeing in the pictures is living proof of that.


Timothy Carraway is a Family man and he drives a Family car. (Peugeot 206 Estate!) What at first looks like a bit of extra air at the back end is in fact a four inch tow-bar that Tim used to use to pull his Family Caravan. "I only get to see my kids on alternate weekends now,  but what with the child support cheques and everything else, I can't afford a second car so I have to make the most of what I have. It's important not to forget about the tow bar... or the kids. Life is all about balance"


"After my divorce, I found myself at a loose end in life. I felt like I had screwed everything up. I found myself just driving around aimlessly, enjoying the comfort of the radio and not wanting to go home to my two-room apartment having to face another long and lonely night in. I guess I was looking for something, something I could be a part of... That was when I met Gerry (Gerry Fawn) I noticed that he was cruising the same blocks, we kept seeing each other driving and eventually he pulled up beside and asked me if I was also "into parking". I mean I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't have the faintest clue that I was talking to a British Record holder at that time, I didn't even know parking was a sport! 

In the weeks that followed Gerry taught me some of the basics and that was it. I was a new man after that, I felt like I was part of something again.


In a way I think Gerry kind of saved my life. I just wish I could have said it to him before he died.

Gerry taught me to see myself, not as the driver of the vehicle but as the fulcrum, a calm centre around which the world turns. When I get it right I can leave my body and problems behind for a few minutes and go somewhere else, only to return to find my tires perpendicular to the pavement and not more that 3 inches away. These are the good days, it is important to remember them"


Rest is peace Gerry. Rest in peace.

A Rainy Day in Heaven

 

No loss of focus

Do you remember those movies back in the fifties when they used to put Vaseline on the screen to make the starlets look better. No camera-tricks were needed to make this shot of Darren Caulwells trademark green Rover look any better! 

One of the things that sets our sport apart against all other forms of motor sport is that performance is not significantly affected by adverse weather.  Darren spotted this gap in Clifton in Bristol and made the most of it. He said that he was particularly pleased to do it outside of a running and cycling shop, making a mockery of the idea that it's not worth owning a car due to the fact that it's impossible to park. 

Still no slope though Darren... We're just saying.

Bags of Courage

 Bradley Harrold claims the spoils at the Kia sponsored 'Park'n'Ride' Festival in Majorca

The great thing about park-off events is that everyone uses the same car and the whole thing is done in-front of a crowd. There can be no talk of modifications, or flankers being brought in after the fact. "I once had someone accuse me of using a crane!" said Bradley who took first place in the adjusted reverse at the 2010 'Kia Park'n'Ride'. Bradley lead the line for British drivers with Darren Caulwell, having a torrid time, complaining of a migraine and forced into fifth in the Men's Single Reverse when he lost points for clipping.

Bradley is pictured in his trademark sock-less sneakers with his winnings: several Kia branded garments and a few delicious goody bags from a local supermarket.

Talking about the relative merits of the Adjusted over the Single Reverse, Bradley was quite the diplomat. "They are both crowd pleaser's, the Adjusted makes for better pictures, you have a full ten minutes to move in and out, you can even switch things up, try a completely different line if you need to, in the single though it's all about that one fluid movement. While its not my drug of choice I can see that there is a certain simplistic natural beauty to it, that and it's so much faster, you can see ten guys pull in in under an hour and then you still have the rest of the day."

Speaking of the rest of the day it was a mixed one for the Brits  with the French Drivers, Juliene La Roche, and Tierry Absalonne  driving well above their usual standard and taking first and second respectively in the Perpendicular and Single Reverse and La Roche adding a silver to his roster in the Adjusted Reverse.